The Epic ListWe know epic when we see it ... so shut up!

This is a list of everything we find epic. Just to clarify ... E-P-I-C! What exactly does that mean?

Well, let me enlighten you my faithful reader, it's something that changes your perception on life, something that is truly grand in freaking scale. Got it?

And we are the final judges on all things epic. So if you think you've found something epic, shut up ... send it to us and we'll tell if you if it's truly E-P-I-C.

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September 2007 Archives

September 7, 2007

Chewbacca

rsz_Chewbacca.jpgShut up, you know it's true.

When you get to co-pilot the Millennium Falcon, trade secret handshakes with Yoda, and hang with Han Solo, you get to call yourself epic, and you don't need no stinkin' list to do it for you.

Chewbacca, Chewie to his friends (and no, buttercup, that doesn't include you), is Cousin It injected with 100% Kick Ass. He carries a crossbow. Yeah, you heard me. And we may never get over the fact that originally George Lucas intended for the Battle of Endor to take place on Kashyyyk, Chewie's home planet, but he decided that Wookie's were "done" and might be too hard to do, so they gave us furry smurfs called Ewoks. Therapy still hasn't healed that hurt.

As if all that weren't enough, he's got a song, they auctioned off his head, and vacuum cleaners want to grow up to be him:

Verdict: EPIC* EPIC!

*NOTE: If there are still any doubters out there, check this out: "Chewie" is phonetically identical to "Chuy", a shortening of the common Mexican proper name Jesus. (from Wikipedia)

September 20, 2007

Japanese Game Shows

gameshow2.JPGKonichiwa.

Why is it that every Japanese game show makes The Price is Right look like a geriatric rectal exam? Out of shape Americans guessing product prices. If that isn't a metaphor for where our culture is I don't know what is. "Feed me and let me buy stuff," is our national motto apparently.

The metaphor for Japanese culture? "Make stuff big and hurt me with it." Yeah, that's it, that's what we like. Hit me baby, one more time. If baseball is good than a giant baseball is better. If running is good then running on a treadmill going ludicrous speed is better. If winning prizes is good then getting hurt and winning... apparently nothing... is best of all.

Why is America losing our standing in the international community? Because our game shows demonstrate that we can't take a punch. Go ahead and try to tell me that Barker's Beauties could take on the goons from MXC. Yeah, go ahead and try.

Verdict: EPIC EPIC!